2011 is here whether you like it or not.

Rest assured, I have been reading some very inspirational books and have plenty to say about them just as I said in my last post... but for now, I think it's about time I wrote down my resolutions, goals and thoughts on this new year of 2011.

I've never really been one to physically write down my goals or new years resolutions - which may be why they usually become forgotten, unless I'm constantly reminded daily - so I think, as this is a new year, a new me and a new start, I should at least try.

1. Be thankful for the small things and show gratitude for them - I've been told that I'm not exactly a positive person all the time. And I feel that it would simply be too easy for me to write this as "Be more of a positive person," because that doesn't really get down to what it is to be a positive and uplifting person. As my mom would tell me, if you're truly grateful for what God has provided in your life, then you'll stop complaining so much. And this is true. By accepting the things that God gives us and being thankful for all that He does, it really puts into perspective what is more important. I mean, of course it's still healthy to complain, vent, worry, show grief or sadness, or even tell that person that they're making you mad or upset, but all in moderation and with the knowledge that you may have to do some changing on your part. Sometimes, I suppose, I tend to get caught up in all the stress and worry of life like everyone else, but for me, it helps to get it all out in the open and share, maybe too much, with someone close to me, my burdens, worries or fears. I think it helps to know that you're not bottling up something inside you that could burst at any second, because there's someone who took the time to listen and show they care... I think however, what's been behind all of my negativity lately is that I've been straying too far away from thinking of the things I am blessed with now, because who's to say that I'll still be around next week? (Although I sure hope so!) It's just so much easier to complain or compare with what you don't or can't have, but who's to say those things would really make everything better? I know that this might be a difficult journey for me, but I'm ready.

2. Keep schoolwork and studying as a priority - Not meaning my main priority, but above other things like, oh, more fun things like watching movies or TV shows or eating FroYo or Facebooking. It's my inevitable downfall to be distracted by the littlest of things - especially when I should be doing more important things like homework. I do on occasion enjoy the adrenaline rush of staying up late writing a paper when real inspiration seems to come quicker (as I write this at 1am) - but probably only because it wants me to go to bed already. Yet I don't enjoy it so much when it's for every paper I turn in. On a weekly basis. Or daily basis. That gets old REAL fast. And exhausting. However, with 20 credits to take in my last semester of my senior year of college (mind you, 18 credits is the max) I really can't make excuses anymore for not wanting to do my homework. I really am going to have to force myself away from the invitations to FroYo or Starbucks in order to make sure I'm staying on top of my homework deadlines. And I thought 17 credits last semester I had no life. Oh and did I mention I'll still be working 16 hours a week? Yep. Fun, fun, fun. But actually, I'm kind of excited. Maybe more in an I'm-excited-to-be-productive-finally way, but also I-hope-I-can-make-it-out-alive-in-one-piece thrill kind of excitement... All I know is, I'm not paying thousands to sit around and waste my brain on TV. Besides, this may be my last semester of school for awhile or ever, unless I decide to get my masters and start grad school, so I may as well soak up all of the knowledge and inspiration from others while I can.

3. Discover and become my true self - Ok, I'm sort of cheating here, because this one is going to be a lifelong journey of discovery to find who my true self is as my false self battles to stay afloat... but I do have more to say on this subject, because not coincidentally this is from a book I just finished and will write more about it later (I promise! Because I've already learned so much and can't wait to share!). I just wanted to have it written down as proof that I am committed to continuing my journey towards demolishing my false self and setting my true self free.

For me, 2010 was a whirlwind of excitement, joy, new experiences, triumphs, love, laughter, enjoyment, happiness, perfection, rediscovery, and many more... but it was also a year of despair, embarrassment, disbelief, worry, sadness, stress, grief, pain, loss, heartbreak, regret and loneliness.

However, I am truly thankful for the many people that have blessed me with their friendships and support in this past year. Only a year ago, I was unpacking my suitcases in my room in Florence, Italy to gather enough clothes and necessities for our opening tour of Rome. It's odd to think how much time has passed, how many things I've seen and experienced, how many new friendships I've made and how many friendships I've strengthened. I feel immensely blessed to have been able to share an incredible year with everyone who is a part of my life. But if you were to strictly judge the chronological events of my year, I'd say it went straight from utter bliss, to IMMEASURABLE PAIN. Just like a funnel. Yet if it weren't for my faith, family and friends, I wouldn't have made it to 2011 in one living, breathing, conscious piece. There's nothing that means more to me than those skype chats halfway across the world, special late night talks or quick chats over coffee that turn into hours of laughter and memories.

I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Whether or not that reason is something we know right away or something we may never discover until we're on our last breath. Either way, I know that I am so grateful for everyone who is in my life right now and I know that God placed them there for a specific reason, just as He has placed me in their lives. Because although I didn't see it at the time, God has shown me His compassion and love through those people. And I hope I can continue to see God's love through everything I do this next year.

It's a clean slate. And it feels so refreshing.