Ramblings.

I wish I could say that I've lived each moment and taken advantage of the sunny days, time with friends and carefree nights.  Talking about the great memories of the past four years has made me realize how many opportunities I've missed out on because I chose not to balance time with everyone.  I know that in the end of it all, my friendships have lasted because of the strong bonds that were already there and lasted through the mayhem of the past year, but sometimes I wish I could go back to past experiences and make different decisions that have affected everything in my life.  But then again, I suppose without those choices, I wouldn't have changed into the person I am today.  I probably wouldn't be conscious of all the mistakes I've made without having made them in the first place. Without pain, we can't fully appreciate the joy in life. I still believe that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the not knowing why part hurts more than the event itself. I wish I could say I'm stronger, but the truth is, I feel weaker and more vulnerable. I'm still making mistakes and still learning from them. I just can't seem to find the same balance within myself as I felt before, although I've become good at pretending. They say I've changed for the better, and maybe I have. It's just hard to forget when I'm surrounded by constant reminders of the choices I made. But in about 18 days I'll be gone, leaving the bad memories behind and taking the happier memories with my friends with me.

The light at the end of the tunnel is approaching and I'm finally getting out. I'm on my own and it's frightening. But that's just the way it's going to be and I might just be okay with it.